I think i have a problem i havent had a great couple of years an to be honest they just keep gettin worse an?

the more i keep trying to fix things the worse they get an i odnt truly have anyone there for me an i let people walk all over me an dont really speak up that much cus i am afrai dof hurting peoples feelings an i just go straight to alcohol anymore when i am upset but i dont wanna tell my fam cus i feel that i will be just a bigger disapointment then i already am an i dont wnat them to think i am like my older cousin who does it for attention the only people that know is one of my so called friends an maybe my bf but idk what to do please give me advice